Serene Thoughts
by WillowMina
Summary: A series of vignettes exploring Inara's thoughts during the movie Serenity. Contains Spoilers
1. The Statue

I was looking out over Erato when he arrived. There had been no warning. His visit was completely unexpected. Even more so considering male visitors to the Training House were only allowed in following lengthy checks of their records. No-one could get in who wasn't supposed to be there, and I invariably knew of visits before they occurred. For a man to visit and me not to know of it. Well, it only followed that he was someone important.

Important he may be, but I have to admit the first thing that came to my mind when I saw him was a statue, and as he talked, it appeared that my first impressions were correct. He was an attractive man, but for all the emotion he showed, he may as well have been made out of marble. He was focused, completely and utterly intent on completing the task he had been given by the Alliance. But there was no warmth there, no feelings. He would stop at nothing to either recapture, or kill, River. That was something that I couldn't allow.


	2. Waiting for Death

We sit in silence.

I'm not entirely sure how much time has passed since the blast doors slammed shut. I've been keeping myself busy. Partly because with Simon injured he can't treat the rest of the crew himself, and partly because it allows me to keep me from dwelling on exactly what might be happening on the other side of those thick, metal doors.

I found it quite easy at first to distract myself. River had thrown Simon's bag through before the closing the doors, and so I was able to occupy myself by administering the adrenaline to Simon, the calaphar to Kaylee, and basically just doing my best trying to patch up Zoe and Jayne, and of course trying to stem the blood flow coming from Simon's own wound. I found it a little ironic that it should be a stomach wound that he suffered, after our first utilisation of his skills, but in a way, it's good because I'm able to remember what needs to be done. And now, all is quiet, and we're all just sitting here, waiting for whatever's coming. In all likelihood, our deaths.

I look round to the elevator. I'm can't help but wonder where Mal's got to, and if he's managed to send the recording we found as a broadwave transmission.

I've noticed that encountering Reavers always makes me more aware of my own mortality. But this time it feels different somehow. I suppose it's because this time I know the truth about them. It wasn't choice, or even madness that created them. It was the Alliance, in their never ending efforts to create a compliant population, a population that blindly obeys whatever they are told to do.

We're unable to hear anything through the blast doors, and so I can't be sure what's happening. Ordinarily, I would think that River would have been quickly defeated, but thinking back to the recording of the security feed from the Maidenhead that Mal showed to me, and considering the amount of time that seems to have passed. Well, I don't think that I can be sure about _anything_ anymore.

All I do know is, that after discovering exactly _how_ the Reavers came about, and despite the fear and disgust which I can't help feeling towards them. I hope that eventually Merciful Buddha will let them rest, but more than that, I hope that he'll let all of us rest.


	3. No More Regrets

Why do I feel this way?

We've done what we set out from Miranda to do. Mal has broadwaved the transmission. Soon everybody will know the truth. So many people have died because of the Alliance's wish to keep this hidden. Wash, Shepherd Book and all the good people of Haven, but now, even though the truth in being told to all, I can't help feeling that there's a good chance of there being more deaths to add to the toll. Ours.

I look at Mal for a second, and the regrets fill my mind. I've had so many opportunities to confess that I feel something for him, and yet I've kept everything hidden. I suppose in part it's because of my training at the Academy, where it was constantly drummed into us that a good Companion was always an enigma, and now it's too late to remedy that.

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_"You ready to get off this heap and back to a civilized life?"_

_"I, uh... I don't know."_

_"Good Answer."_

Mal's word's linger in my ears as I make my way up to what I still think of as _my_ shuttle. But more than that, the image of his smile stays with me.

It's time for a new start, and this time, I promise myself, there will be no regrets.


End file.
